Ten years ago I left my marriage to Leave House. I loved him yet needed the outdoors, the mental health not to feel wounded or guilty for wanting to not be part of our home, for not wanting children. Regrets? Most certainly! Grief? Definitely! Health, growth, love for this one precious life we are given? Beyond words!
This feels like the core question of midlife: “Even as I’ve languished through these dark days, I’ve been on a mission to figure out how to build a life here with my husband that I don’t long to escape.” Also, this winter is just so brutally cold. I am also counting down tulips, and daylight savings time on March 9!
Being stuck in the house is definitely not good for anyone. Being home for almost six months with my new baby, mostly alone, was detrimental to my mental health even though I was so thankful for all that extra time with her away from work. I still hate the time im losing with her being back at work but it’s only part time so I do see her much more than I would’ve otherwise, and some of my old routine back and time with friends at work has been so good for me. I’m not a hugely social person but so much time alone is really rough. Even leaving the house every day to do whatever I could manage with a newborn was still not enough being alone so much. But it was still way better than being stuck alone in the same four walls every day. You are not alone! It is so hard.
I’ve been thinking about the parallels between my situation and that of a stay-at-home parent (though that entails infinitely more responsibility) or a recent retiree. The isolation and monotony can really wear you down. I’m glad to hear that you’re finding a better balance now!
What a fabulous read. I can also relate. While a bit different I get trapped inside when the temps become winter because the cold brings with it a gift I don’t really want, pneumonia. So I stay hibernated indoors yearning for winter to wave goodbye and summer sun to shine once again for adventures on the beach of the lake, northern lights, beautiful sunsets and just that amazing feeling of sun on my skin and fresh air in my lungs. I dream of someday being able to be someplace else where I can enjoy the sunshine and fresh air year round.
Thanks Kristy-Lea! Winter up north is tough for so many of us. It made such a difference for me getting away last winter and being able to enjoy being outdoors year-round. I hope you find a way to migrate south in the future! 🤗
Hi Liz, I felt an immediate connection to the title of this story, and then I had to laugh when I read where it came from. Funny the ways messages can show up. I feel like I should have had those words printed on a big sign during the years I worked from home, when I would predictably become depressed during those dark winter months.
I'm still inclined to not "Leave House" even though we're traveling. Eric is always happy to do the errands and grocery shopping which allows me to be more isolated than is probably good. This year I have forced myself to do more things, solo and together, out in the world, and have more human contact. I know I'm happier being more connected to other people but my default will probably always be to isolate. Plus I'm lazy. So it's a constant push to get out of my comfort zone.
Baxter's condition, surgery and healing process does make it clear that turning back was the right choice. Was that unconsciously part of your nagging feeling? I wouldn't be surprised if you did have an unconscious insight into what was coming for her. I think you could have ended up having to turn around after getting even farther away.
Winter is the time to turn inward and reflect. I think it's valuable to have a cocooning period where you're quietly weighing your options, caring for Baxter, caring for yourself and your relationship by being present and thinking about what you want and need. It's not easy though. February was always the hardest month for me in NH.
One of the many great things about having animals is the way they get us outside whether we want to or not! If not for our chickens and dog Honey I might never have gone outside in NH winter! I will think of you crunching on the snow today. Hope it's sunny. 💛
Thanks for this lovely reflection, Tina! I can relate to self-isolating and feeling lazy. Seth does most of the errands, though I’m always a little grateful when something forces me out of the house. Then it’s hard to come back!
I do think I subconsciously worried about Baxter when I got on the road this winter. It felt like all the time spent cramped on the floor of the van wasn’t good for her. I think she would have been OK if I had continued on, but I certainly would have worried if she started favoring her right leg. I’m afraid the skiing we’ve done this winter exacerbated the problem, but I think it was worth it for the joy and freedom she experienced! And it’s a degenerative condition, so it was more or less inevitable.
Her surgery has helped me accept being home this winter. And I feel lucky that there’s been enough snow for cross-country skiing, and decent enough weather to get out a few times a week (I’m counting as decent anything over 15 degrees). Today Laney and I will do a big ski loop with a friend, so it will be a good day!
I love this "leave house" message synchronicity and I hear/see you! 💗 Vivian
Thanks Vivian! Hopefully it speaks to you, too. ☺️
Ten years ago I left my marriage to Leave House. I loved him yet needed the outdoors, the mental health not to feel wounded or guilty for wanting to not be part of our home, for not wanting children. Regrets? Most certainly! Grief? Definitely! Health, growth, love for this one precious life we are given? Beyond words!
Your writing doesn’t lie, no?
Thanks for sharing this, Vickie! That sounds liberating, and so very brave. ❤️
This feels like the core question of midlife: “Even as I’ve languished through these dark days, I’ve been on a mission to figure out how to build a life here with my husband that I don’t long to escape.” Also, this winter is just so brutally cold. I am also counting down tulips, and daylight savings time on March 9!
I’m glad this resonated, Liz! It’s noon and it’s 2 degrees here right now. 😩 March 9th is on my calendar!
Being stuck in the house is definitely not good for anyone. Being home for almost six months with my new baby, mostly alone, was detrimental to my mental health even though I was so thankful for all that extra time with her away from work. I still hate the time im losing with her being back at work but it’s only part time so I do see her much more than I would’ve otherwise, and some of my old routine back and time with friends at work has been so good for me. I’m not a hugely social person but so much time alone is really rough. Even leaving the house every day to do whatever I could manage with a newborn was still not enough being alone so much. But it was still way better than being stuck alone in the same four walls every day. You are not alone! It is so hard.
I’ve been thinking about the parallels between my situation and that of a stay-at-home parent (though that entails infinitely more responsibility) or a recent retiree. The isolation and monotony can really wear you down. I’m glad to hear that you’re finding a better balance now!
What a fabulous read. I can also relate. While a bit different I get trapped inside when the temps become winter because the cold brings with it a gift I don’t really want, pneumonia. So I stay hibernated indoors yearning for winter to wave goodbye and summer sun to shine once again for adventures on the beach of the lake, northern lights, beautiful sunsets and just that amazing feeling of sun on my skin and fresh air in my lungs. I dream of someday being able to be someplace else where I can enjoy the sunshine and fresh air year round.
Thanks Kristy-Lea! Winter up north is tough for so many of us. It made such a difference for me getting away last winter and being able to enjoy being outdoors year-round. I hope you find a way to migrate south in the future! 🤗
Hi Liz, I felt an immediate connection to the title of this story, and then I had to laugh when I read where it came from. Funny the ways messages can show up. I feel like I should have had those words printed on a big sign during the years I worked from home, when I would predictably become depressed during those dark winter months.
I'm still inclined to not "Leave House" even though we're traveling. Eric is always happy to do the errands and grocery shopping which allows me to be more isolated than is probably good. This year I have forced myself to do more things, solo and together, out in the world, and have more human contact. I know I'm happier being more connected to other people but my default will probably always be to isolate. Plus I'm lazy. So it's a constant push to get out of my comfort zone.
Baxter's condition, surgery and healing process does make it clear that turning back was the right choice. Was that unconsciously part of your nagging feeling? I wouldn't be surprised if you did have an unconscious insight into what was coming for her. I think you could have ended up having to turn around after getting even farther away.
Winter is the time to turn inward and reflect. I think it's valuable to have a cocooning period where you're quietly weighing your options, caring for Baxter, caring for yourself and your relationship by being present and thinking about what you want and need. It's not easy though. February was always the hardest month for me in NH.
One of the many great things about having animals is the way they get us outside whether we want to or not! If not for our chickens and dog Honey I might never have gone outside in NH winter! I will think of you crunching on the snow today. Hope it's sunny. 💛
Thanks for this lovely reflection, Tina! I can relate to self-isolating and feeling lazy. Seth does most of the errands, though I’m always a little grateful when something forces me out of the house. Then it’s hard to come back!
I do think I subconsciously worried about Baxter when I got on the road this winter. It felt like all the time spent cramped on the floor of the van wasn’t good for her. I think she would have been OK if I had continued on, but I certainly would have worried if she started favoring her right leg. I’m afraid the skiing we’ve done this winter exacerbated the problem, but I think it was worth it for the joy and freedom she experienced! And it’s a degenerative condition, so it was more or less inevitable.
Her surgery has helped me accept being home this winter. And I feel lucky that there’s been enough snow for cross-country skiing, and decent enough weather to get out a few times a week (I’m counting as decent anything over 15 degrees). Today Laney and I will do a big ski loop with a friend, so it will be a good day!