I love this Liz. My wife and I will be setting out on our full-time RV journey in September. We’re both retiring this summer so no more work. We never had kids, at least the human kind. One canine companion though. Your thoughts and experiences mirror mine in so many ways. It’s nice to have it reflected back at me and know there are others who share that spirit of the heart. Best wishes to you and your pups and hope we might bump into each other someday serendipitously. I also have a Substack page and hope you might enjoy it.
Thank you so much, David! I would love to hear more about which thoughts and experiences resonated with you. Thank you for sharing your page! I look forward to reading more about your adventures.
Maybe you could try sailing life as a family? I've known families to do this and homeschool their kids. It's possible to be adventurous with kids but it definitely won't be quiet 😉
My husband would love the sailing life, Lori, but unfortunately I get seasick! There are many parallels between boat life and van life (aside from the water part). A woman who both sails and RVs once told me that my Roadtrek camper van is designed like a sailboat, in terms of storage. I always thought that was interesting.
I appreciate your perspective, Lesley. Based on one week of experience, I can see why people say parenting is the toughest job they ever had! And I don’t know what I don’t know. Most parents have suggested I proceeded with caution. 😂
'Everything will be amazing and terrible no matter what I choose'. This seems to nail it Liz. This is life, no matter which path we're on. Whichever path, we will run into ourselves, our challenges and our growth edges. What an exciting juncture you are at. Let life show you what is next ❤️
Amazing and terrible no matter what route we take. I agree! And also, we are the only ones in charge of how we live our lives. No matter what our family situation or circumstances are. It’s only up to us to make it how we want it. Kids or not, you’ll live the happiest life you can live because it’s in your power to achieve that and u know you’ll stop at nothing to make sure of it.
Every time I read posts from you I feel so many of my thoughts reflecting back at me!
Aww, thanks Emily. Your words are so wise. Life is what we make it, and I’m trying to think outside the box in terms of what is possible. The only question is, is my vision realistic? I’m so glad my writing resonates with you. Thank you for reading, and for sharing your thoughts! 🥰
It's funny how several have highlighted amazing and terrible all at the same time. That last paragraph really brought it together. The last sentence was a pow. And this... "I will have moments of bliss and moments of regret on whichever path I take. "... is where I begin my response.
What really jumped out of my mind when I read that line is that in choosing the kidless life of adventure, your regrets will belong primarily to you... to you and Seth. With kids, many of the moments of bliss will be shared, yet moments of regret can be deeply damaging to those you love if not managed well.
Kids are an invitation to being emotionally disregulated, though they are also a constant demand to remain emotionally regulated! They perfectly activate all of our wounds at each stage of their development. (Yay and shit!) Figuring out van life at their current ages is a very different animal than when they're 8 and 11. What they activate - bliss and regret - is also different. 13 and 17 will be a whole other beast.
I love my kids and have never regretted our adoptions. Truly! And, I have given up much of the life I dreamed of for myself as a young person. As soon as we had two, being artists on the road became far too complex for this mama to handle. I couldn't create, parent, navigate logistics, run a business, and remain kind all at the same time. Removing a heap of the logistics re traveling and selling on the road made life more manageable.
I have seen people pull it off. That family with the endless bicycle that biked to Alaska for example, and it can be really tough. My brother and his wife did the sailing life with their kid for a while. She was scared the whole time and couldn't wait to get off the boat. He was just getting started. The kid was lonely, but cool.
It's truly great that you're looking at what you really want. I applaud you for that! Be sure to also look at what you really want for these kids too - just as kids, fellow humans, not specifically as yours. Adoption is forever. Absolutely forever. That's a very long time if you're lucky. What do you want for them 3years from now? 10 years? 20? 50?
My brother who had kids before me said long ago that kids are the crucible in which all selfishness is melts away. I thought that was brilliant. Not everyone needs or wants that selfishness to melt away... And that is absolutely okay! Centered in the Self is a beautiful and responsible life choice. If that's true for you, then the kidless adventure life is truly a beautiful option.
“Kids are the crucible in which all selfishness melts away”—what an insightful perspective, Helen! Your brother is very wise. 😉 My husband is an only child, and I was raised as one because my sister was in college by the time I was in kindergarten. Seth and I are both adored by our parents and have led very self-centered lives, which explains why we might struggle with adjusting to parenthood more than some. On top of that, we’ve both been adults on our own for the past 25 years, doing what we want when we want. So parenthood would be a massive and sudden shift.
I’m grateful for you sharing how having kids changed your lifestyle. Now I’m curious to learn more about your traveling artist days! I can see how it would be stressful. Heck, I’ve written about how stressful van life can be. I don’t know how realistic it is to take kids on the road. Your example is a reality-check.
I appreciate your question about what I want for these kids. I’ve seen both of them light up when we are in nature. The antsy hyperactivity that manifests indoors blossoms into adventure and curiosity outside. I imagine the four-year-old boy struggling in a classroom, but flourishing with an outdoor education. The toddler stopped screaming the second I put her in a backpack and started walking down the trail. I think I’m more worried what their lives will look like if they aren’t placed with us. Probably very different. Maybe that would be better for them, and maybe not.
You are right about regrets. I know all too well how painful family dynamics can be, and I am prone to dysregulation. Regardless of the other aspects of this situation, I think my mental health will be the deciding factor.
As always, I’m grateful for your heartfelt insights and honesty. It’s clear which is the easier path. The question is whether I have the strength and determination to travel the other one. 💞
Great writing thanks for sharing your journey.
Thanks David, and thank you for reading and commenting! It makes the writing so much more rewarding when I hear from my readers.
I love this Liz. My wife and I will be setting out on our full-time RV journey in September. We’re both retiring this summer so no more work. We never had kids, at least the human kind. One canine companion though. Your thoughts and experiences mirror mine in so many ways. It’s nice to have it reflected back at me and know there are others who share that spirit of the heart. Best wishes to you and your pups and hope we might bump into each other someday serendipitously. I also have a Substack page and hope you might enjoy it.
Thank you so much, David! I would love to hear more about which thoughts and experiences resonated with you. Thank you for sharing your page! I look forward to reading more about your adventures.
Maybe you could try sailing life as a family? I've known families to do this and homeschool their kids. It's possible to be adventurous with kids but it definitely won't be quiet 😉
My husband would love the sailing life, Lori, but unfortunately I get seasick! There are many parallels between boat life and van life (aside from the water part). A woman who both sails and RVs once told me that my Roadtrek camper van is designed like a sailboat, in terms of storage. I always thought that was interesting.
Reading through the lines it sounds like no kids is the smart choice. I say this with love and from experience.
l agree, also with love and experience.
I appreciate your perspective, Lesley. Based on one week of experience, I can see why people say parenting is the toughest job they ever had! And I don’t know what I don’t know. Most parents have suggested I proceeded with caution. 😂
Beautiful post as always, Liz!
Thanks Jen, and thank you for reading! 🥰
'Everything will be amazing and terrible no matter what I choose'. This seems to nail it Liz. This is life, no matter which path we're on. Whichever path, we will run into ourselves, our challenges and our growth edges. What an exciting juncture you are at. Let life show you what is next ❤️
Thanks so much, Vicki. I’m trying to hold the perspective that there’s no right or wrong answer here. I’m glad it resonated!
Soooo beautiful Liz. Whatever awaits you…there will be so much magic and beauty amidst it all.🪄✨
Thank you, Suzy. I agree! 🌟
🥰🪄✨💫
Amazing and terrible no matter what route we take. I agree! And also, we are the only ones in charge of how we live our lives. No matter what our family situation or circumstances are. It’s only up to us to make it how we want it. Kids or not, you’ll live the happiest life you can live because it’s in your power to achieve that and u know you’ll stop at nothing to make sure of it.
Every time I read posts from you I feel so many of my thoughts reflecting back at me!
Aww, thanks Emily. Your words are so wise. Life is what we make it, and I’m trying to think outside the box in terms of what is possible. The only question is, is my vision realistic? I’m so glad my writing resonates with you. Thank you for reading, and for sharing your thoughts! 🥰
It's funny how several have highlighted amazing and terrible all at the same time. That last paragraph really brought it together. The last sentence was a pow. And this... "I will have moments of bliss and moments of regret on whichever path I take. "... is where I begin my response.
What really jumped out of my mind when I read that line is that in choosing the kidless life of adventure, your regrets will belong primarily to you... to you and Seth. With kids, many of the moments of bliss will be shared, yet moments of regret can be deeply damaging to those you love if not managed well.
Kids are an invitation to being emotionally disregulated, though they are also a constant demand to remain emotionally regulated! They perfectly activate all of our wounds at each stage of their development. (Yay and shit!) Figuring out van life at their current ages is a very different animal than when they're 8 and 11. What they activate - bliss and regret - is also different. 13 and 17 will be a whole other beast.
I love my kids and have never regretted our adoptions. Truly! And, I have given up much of the life I dreamed of for myself as a young person. As soon as we had two, being artists on the road became far too complex for this mama to handle. I couldn't create, parent, navigate logistics, run a business, and remain kind all at the same time. Removing a heap of the logistics re traveling and selling on the road made life more manageable.
I have seen people pull it off. That family with the endless bicycle that biked to Alaska for example, and it can be really tough. My brother and his wife did the sailing life with their kid for a while. She was scared the whole time and couldn't wait to get off the boat. He was just getting started. The kid was lonely, but cool.
It's truly great that you're looking at what you really want. I applaud you for that! Be sure to also look at what you really want for these kids too - just as kids, fellow humans, not specifically as yours. Adoption is forever. Absolutely forever. That's a very long time if you're lucky. What do you want for them 3years from now? 10 years? 20? 50?
My brother who had kids before me said long ago that kids are the crucible in which all selfishness is melts away. I thought that was brilliant. Not everyone needs or wants that selfishness to melt away... And that is absolutely okay! Centered in the Self is a beautiful and responsible life choice. If that's true for you, then the kidless adventure life is truly a beautiful option.
This is so wise and so kind.
“Kids are the crucible in which all selfishness melts away”—what an insightful perspective, Helen! Your brother is very wise. 😉 My husband is an only child, and I was raised as one because my sister was in college by the time I was in kindergarten. Seth and I are both adored by our parents and have led very self-centered lives, which explains why we might struggle with adjusting to parenthood more than some. On top of that, we’ve both been adults on our own for the past 25 years, doing what we want when we want. So parenthood would be a massive and sudden shift.
I’m grateful for you sharing how having kids changed your lifestyle. Now I’m curious to learn more about your traveling artist days! I can see how it would be stressful. Heck, I’ve written about how stressful van life can be. I don’t know how realistic it is to take kids on the road. Your example is a reality-check.
I appreciate your question about what I want for these kids. I’ve seen both of them light up when we are in nature. The antsy hyperactivity that manifests indoors blossoms into adventure and curiosity outside. I imagine the four-year-old boy struggling in a classroom, but flourishing with an outdoor education. The toddler stopped screaming the second I put her in a backpack and started walking down the trail. I think I’m more worried what their lives will look like if they aren’t placed with us. Probably very different. Maybe that would be better for them, and maybe not.
You are right about regrets. I know all too well how painful family dynamics can be, and I am prone to dysregulation. Regardless of the other aspects of this situation, I think my mental health will be the deciding factor.
As always, I’m grateful for your heartfelt insights and honesty. It’s clear which is the easier path. The question is whether I have the strength and determination to travel the other one. 💞