Hard to know how we'll feel next week! The big takeaway for me with this "episode", is acceptance and letting go. Whatever happens to us, beginning at peace with our circumstances seems to me the easiest path, though it's not easy to get there! As a great sage once said, "Change no circumstances, change me!"
THIS. “I also realized that I didn’t have to convince myself that I didn’t want kids—I reminded myself that the desire was separate from the decision.”
It took me years to really fully get this idea. First I denied the desire, then I snapped into action to avoid grieving the lost years. It took me a long time to accept that that season of my life had passed; I still have a little lingering rage about losing the chance to choose. But I wouldn’t trade my current life now. I both adore being a bonus adult and breathe a sigh of relief that I get to do the fun stuff.
It’s been a long journey for you and I’m glad you’re finding some clarity.
Thanks Liz! I envy your status as a bonus adult. I think it would be easier if I had kids in my life in some other capacity. My niece and nephew are already grown, and my husband is an only child so there are no kids on his side. I’m happy for you that you get to enjoy those kinds of relationships with your partner’s kids!
Well, lest you be too jealous, the setup comes with plenty of its own complexities too, in the same way little kids come with both snuggles and the overwhelm. :)
The ending of your story surprised me, but I am happy you were able to find clarity and not jump into motherhood half-heartedly. Wishing you joy and a blessed future with your hubby. You do write very well and I enjoyed the journey.
Thanks for coming along for the ride, Debi, and for your kind words! My body (anxiety) made the decision that my brain could not make, but my brain figured out how to justify it, for now… it feels good to take the pressure off and just see where life leads!
Thanks for the candid story. I can somewhat relate to your endeavors and feel for you guys! I am now 65 and have no kids. This has never been much of an issue--just fate? I never tried as hard as you, but I can say, it is ok. I am good with my big extended family. We never know what life will throw at us. For me, it is best to feel grateful for what I DO have here and now.
Keep up the excellent writing! That can be your "baby" for now and into the future.
Thanks for your kind words, Jack, and thank you for following my story! We can’t always change our circumstances in life, but we can always change our perspective on how we look at things. It sounds like you’ve got the right attitude! I appreciate your support for my writing, and I’m grateful to have the time and energy to put into it, and folks like you to enjoy it. 😁
I often write because I’m fired up about something, angry much of the time. It’s nice to think in the second and third drafts about crafting it into a love letter rather than a burn, you know? I like to think this would make the meaning of the piece deeper and more meaningful while still retaining the original intensity.
Oh wow, no words for part 3. I can relate to so many questions, observing people, thinking about all the possibilities, the question of if I've tried hard enough... Beautifully written and expressed as always 💚
Ps. In my other comment I said about your back up life, made me reflect on mine and I think I need to work out what it is I want... Not what works, what's convenient and what could bring me closer to having a family (which is what I feel I've been doing for some years now) ❤️
That's a big question that can mostly feel crushing. I've spent the guts of 30 years only imagining the life with children that I struggle to see myself satisfied with the without. Xx
So happy you have each other ♥️
Thanks Brenna, me too! Sometimes we have to remember to focus on what we have rather than what we don’t have. ❤️
Hard to know how we'll feel next week! The big takeaway for me with this "episode", is acceptance and letting go. Whatever happens to us, beginning at peace with our circumstances seems to me the easiest path, though it's not easy to get there! As a great sage once said, "Change no circumstances, change me!"
Very wise words, Dhuti! Thank you for following my journey as it unfolds. ☺️
THIS. “I also realized that I didn’t have to convince myself that I didn’t want kids—I reminded myself that the desire was separate from the decision.”
It took me years to really fully get this idea. First I denied the desire, then I snapped into action to avoid grieving the lost years. It took me a long time to accept that that season of my life had passed; I still have a little lingering rage about losing the chance to choose. But I wouldn’t trade my current life now. I both adore being a bonus adult and breathe a sigh of relief that I get to do the fun stuff.
It’s been a long journey for you and I’m glad you’re finding some clarity.
Thanks Liz! I envy your status as a bonus adult. I think it would be easier if I had kids in my life in some other capacity. My niece and nephew are already grown, and my husband is an only child so there are no kids on his side. I’m happy for you that you get to enjoy those kinds of relationships with your partner’s kids!
Well, lest you be too jealous, the setup comes with plenty of its own complexities too, in the same way little kids come with both snuggles and the overwhelm. :)
I don’t doubt that! Everything is the both/and…
thanks for sharing the whole journey with us
Thank you, Jenny! I appreciate you following along, and I’m excited to see what your new chapter holds. ❤️
The ending of your story surprised me, but I am happy you were able to find clarity and not jump into motherhood half-heartedly. Wishing you joy and a blessed future with your hubby. You do write very well and I enjoyed the journey.
Thanks for coming along for the ride, Debi, and for your kind words! My body (anxiety) made the decision that my brain could not make, but my brain figured out how to justify it, for now… it feels good to take the pressure off and just see where life leads!
Thanks for the candid story. I can somewhat relate to your endeavors and feel for you guys! I am now 65 and have no kids. This has never been much of an issue--just fate? I never tried as hard as you, but I can say, it is ok. I am good with my big extended family. We never know what life will throw at us. For me, it is best to feel grateful for what I DO have here and now.
Keep up the excellent writing! That can be your "baby" for now and into the future.
Thanks for your kind words, Jack, and thank you for following my story! We can’t always change our circumstances in life, but we can always change our perspective on how we look at things. It sounds like you’ve got the right attitude! I appreciate your support for my writing, and I’m grateful to have the time and energy to put into it, and folks like you to enjoy it. 😁
Wow this changes my whole perspective on writing! Thank you
Please say more, Jianna! How has your perspective shifted? 😄
I often write because I’m fired up about something, angry much of the time. It’s nice to think in the second and third drafts about crafting it into a love letter rather than a burn, you know? I like to think this would make the meaning of the piece deeper and more meaningful while still retaining the original intensity.
I love that perspective!
Oh wow, no words for part 3. I can relate to so many questions, observing people, thinking about all the possibilities, the question of if I've tried hard enough... Beautifully written and expressed as always 💚
Ps. In my other comment I said about your back up life, made me reflect on mine and I think I need to work out what it is I want... Not what works, what's convenient and what could bring me closer to having a family (which is what I feel I've been doing for some years now) ❤️
That’s a great place to start, Sheila! If you can’t have kids, what else is possible? What do you want your life to look like? 🤔
Thank you, Sheila, and thank you for reading!
That's a big question that can mostly feel crushing. I've spent the guts of 30 years only imagining the life with children that I struggle to see myself satisfied with the without. Xx
None of this is easy, is it? At least through our writing we know that we are not alone. 🤗